


Stay With Me

by Kiarata



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, I'm Sorry, Incest, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Pedophilia, Self-Harm, Spoilers, Touch Aversion, angst then fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-28 18:26:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10836873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiarata/pseuds/Kiarata
Summary: Tamaki is not a negative person, at least not much, he does complain about things here and there. He does get into fight at times, but he does try to look at things positively. Today, he guess, is not the day.[Contains spoilers up to Part 2 of the story. Please read the tags before reading this.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting my work hahaha (I'm really nervous). Anyways there are no beta on this work. One of my good friend helped me proofread this chapter! Go check her out on wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/Heun-Heun. Also we are both amateurs so I expected for there to be quite a few mistakes here and there. Please don't hesitate to leave a critique of how I should improve! Again, this fan fiction explores really dark themes so please read this on you own volition.  
> Also, this fan fiction is based on how I think the aftermath of the Yotsuba reunion will be. It would probably not be in the canonical timeline.

Tamaki is not a negative person, at least not much, he does complain about things here and there. He does get into fight at times, but he does try to look at things positively. Today, he guess, is not the day.

It is not all that bad he had thought. There should be some things that does go right he had hoped. After all he met his sister today. Aya stood there in front of him, the reason why he had given his life to the idol career is right there in his reach. She ran over to him and he hugged her tightly as tears roll down his face. Aya did cry too, she hugged him just as tightly. She’s here, she’s right here in his arms. She’s alive. He felt relieved like he could breathe again, as if a weight had been lifted off him. He continued holding her, telling himself that it is real. That this is really happening. Of course it did not last. As soon as he let go of his sister and look up, he see a man walking toward them. As the man come closer, he could make out that the man has a dark green hair and dark rings under his eyes. He walk over to Aya, and his sister, as if on cue, looked up to the man and smiled. Tamaki felt that something is wrong, very wrong, but still, he did not mention anything.

“Kujou-san!” Aya exclaimed. Tamaki felt his heart drop. That is Kujou-san. Is that the man that took care of Aya? He couldn’t trust that man. He had told Aya to come home with him then, but she had refused, addressing that she will be going back with Kujou since he had taken care of her since she was a child. She told him that she wanted to be an idol. He wanted to change Aya's mind, to pull her back into his protective embrace. She can be an idol, but he did not want her to be with that man. He just wanted her to be safe. He did not trust that the man will take care of her. Tamaki wanted Aya to be with him, he’s her brother after all. Still it did not matter what he wanted, Aya didn’t change her mind and he lost her yet again to someone else.

* * *

 

It has been 2 hours since then. Tamaki is sitting at the table in the living room. Every Idolish7 members are there as well. Sougo had touched his shoulder as the others try to voice out their concerns and condolences to the youngest member. Tamaki hated the touch. Not because it’s Sougo, the man had always been nice to him. He is one of Tamaki’s best friend after all, it’s just that body touch bother him in general. He always felt uneasy and uncomfortable whenever someone touches him. He never voiced it out, of course. They think that he likes touching and hugging so he can’t really blame them for touching him a lot. There is a lot of physical contact with the fans as well. If they want to think he likes it, then they can, he will just tolerate it. No one has to know.

“What is Kujou-san going to do next…?” Iori sounds tired as he mumbles softly. Of course there is no answer, no one knows what will happen next. This is why Tamaki is so restless right now. What is the man going to do to Aya? Will he hurt her? He doesn’t know and he can’t do anything. As if reading his mind, Riku speaks up.

“Its fine Tamaki, I’m sure we can find a way out of this.” He could see Nagi and Mitsuki giving him hopeful looks.

“There is a probably a reason why Aya-san and Kujou-san trusts the man so much.” Iori reasons and the others nods with agreement to his statement. Sougo squeezes Tamaki’s shoulder again, he wants to snap and tell him to put his hand away but he knows the man means well. He knows Sougo is just trying to reassure him like what everyone is doing. Tamaki hates it. He hates the fact that Riku is still so optimistic. How everyone is still so optimistic. He doesn’t even have the power to get his sister back. It was the whole point of why he became an idol in the first place but he failed it severely. He could not see any open doors for the situation anymore. He looks at Yamato as if to find reassurance but the man just stares back at him. Yamato hadn’t said anything since they entered the living room and apparently, he had decided to stay silent. Tamaki clench his hand into a fist, maybe he should just give up.

“You don’t understand…” Tamaki mumbles.

“Of course I do! Tenn is with Kujou-san as well. I am worried too you know! Everyone is!” Riku argues back, which snaps the last control Tamaki had.

“No, you don’t. You will never understand me. I have worked so hard on this idol career just to meet Aya. That is my sole reason. I have tried finding her and getting her back my whole life. And now that I have found her… she’s gone. Again. I won’t have this chance anymore. If you want to believe in your happy nonsense then suit yourself, but I can’t do it anymore.” Right after he finishes talking, Tamaki then realize that his voice had come out as a near shout. He can see Riku and Sougo staring at him with concern, and the other members look at him with a frown on their face. Yamato just raised his eyebrows in surprise. They must have been tired of him. Maybe he sounded like he was whining again. He should stop. Tamaki stood up to collect his things and started walking toward the front door. “I’ll be going…” he mumbles softly and walks out. Tamaki would normally stay in his room in the dormitory, but he decided against it and went home for tonight instead. He had packed some clothes in his bag before hand. He did not like going back to his house, but knowing his father, the man wouldn’t be back by tomorrow morning anyway. Tamaki would have gone out by then. He also did not want to talk to the others right now, he need some time alone.

* * *

 

As he walks through the front door of his house a cold chill rushes down his spine. No one is inside and as soon as he turn on the lights he can see glass beer bottles scattered though out the floor, some with broken glass shards around it. Probably some one had thrown the bottle against the wall in a fit of rage. He picks up the glasses and throws them away in the trash can. He then sweeps up the broken pieces of glass shards as if he is on auto pilot. When Tamaki finished, he walks back to his old room at the end of the hall.

The room is dark and small. Tamaki turn on the lights and met with a room that looks like it has been wrecked by a hurricane. Scratches cover the pale blue wall, clothes and sheets of paper scattered throughout the floor. He sees his old king pudding plushy at the back corner of his bed, pushed away into the darkness. The furniture are still in place, but all the drawers and cupboards were open. Clothes and paper works had been pulled out of them. The things on the table are knocked over and in closer inspection, most paper works were torn apart. He could see the paper work for his custody to the child care facility. He had previously asked the people working there why he couldn’t stay with his father. They had all said that his father was doing bad things to him. That’s not true though, he knows his father is not like that. He had escaped the facility several times to go back to his father but he had been caught soon after and most of the time with bruises. But he didn’t care. As he grew up, he visited his father less and less, especially when he got scouted. Now, he’s back here again. As Tamaki picks up the paper works to throw them away, he notices the drawing that his sister had drew for him several years ago in bits and pieces on the floor. He could still remember, his mother was still alive then. Aya had drawn him a picture of him and their mother for his birthday. She gave him a huge pudding as his cake. He could remember them smiling and laughing alongside him. He let out a forlorn smile as he pick them up quietly and throw them into the trash can near his table. He had decided to forget those times a long time ago, reminiscing it would only make it worse. Most of his clothes are torn up as well so he wouldn’t be able to wear any of them. Tamaki felt lucky for the first time today, that he had put some of his clothes from the dormitory into his bag. He pulls the clothes out, takes out the phone from his pants pocket, put it on the bed, and walk through the hallway into the bathroom.

The glass mirror on the cabinet in the bathroom is cracked and he can see dried blood on it. Someone must have punched it. Putting the clothes away, he walks to open the cabinet in order to search for a towel. Inside are several towels, a first aid kit, and medicine bottles. Way too many bottles. Some of them he didn’t recognize and probably had been bought over the counter. Tamaki tries his best to take his mind off it for the time being. As he closed the cabinet door a glint of something at the back of the lowest shelf catches his attention. He reaches in to get the thing out, and as soon as he touches it, he knows what it is immediately. Pulling it out and into the light, he is now looking at a razor. He could still see some dried blood on it. Rust had started to form, signifying how old and unused it is. He washed away the blood and rust as best as he could. The blade is still sharp. Usable. He stand there for what felt like an eternity looking down at the razor in his hand. Memories flood back into his mind, the sensations, the release. He hadn’t done it since he went to the dormitory. It’s too easy to be noticed then, so he got rid of his habit. He was happy then. He should be happy right now, but he’s not. He tried to rationalize it, push the thoughts away but still lost in the end. Maybe… maybe he could… It will help. It’ll help him deal with the pain, he told himself. Lying to himself again and again. Tamaki walks over and sit down at the corner of the bathtub and takes off his clothes. Once his pants are off he looks down at his thighs. Faint white scars are strewn all over his upper thighs. He never does it on his wrist. It’s too visible, too easy to recognize. He did not want people to see it. Tamaki looks at his hand that is holding the razor, it’s shaking. It has been a while after all. He tries his best to hold it still and place it against his flesh. The cool blade felt familiar against his skin, soothing even.

His first cut felt wrong. Too shallow, too short, his hand is too shaky. He could see beads of blood well up from the cut. The second cut is deeper, steadier. He’s getting the hang of it again. The rush of adrenaline made him feel relaxed despite what he is doing. The more he cuts, the less he has to think. He didn’t have to remember, he is just there. The outside world did not matter for the time being. When he came back to his senses, blood had covered both his thighs and hands. He let go of the razor and look down at what he had done. He wanted more, he wanted the pain to numb him and get his mind out of reality. He knows he shouldn’t do it anymore but he feel the need for the pain. He stopped himself from picking up the razor again though and stands up to get a towel. Tamaki had learned to clean his wounds so that it would not be infected. He had done it countless times already after all. He is wrapping the bandages around his wounds when he heard the front door opening, a deafening crashing sound can be heard soon after. He can’t be home right now. It’s too early, he never comes home early… Tamaki quickly puts on his clothes, he did not want to see his father right now, not right when the man just got home. Looks like the Gods didn’t give a care about his prayers though, as soon as he got his pants on the bathroom door slams open.

“So it is you Tamaki. I was wondering who it is.” His father slurred out the words as he wobble toward Tamaki. “You never come visit me ever since you got into that idol gig of yours. What happened? Lost your job?” The man continued his drunken slurs as he walks closer to Tamaki. He could smell alcohol from the man's foul breath. Tamaki tries to back away from the man's touch.  But walking away from the man is futile and his back touches the wall soon enough. “No where to hide now.” The older man drawls as he steps closer to Tamaki.

“Don’t… Please.” Tamaki practically begged his father. He knows his father is not always like this. When his mother was still alive he was much happier. He never got drunk either. When he’s drunk, he becomes violent and he likes to touch Tamaki too. He would slowly take Tamaki's clothes off, saying that Tamaki looks too similar to his mother. When his dad is sober the man would hug him and sob, telling Tamaki that he’s sorry and he won’t let it happen again. But it does. So many times that Tamaki had lost count. Now his dad is drunk all the time. Once in a blue moon, Tamaki would see his dad sober and just sobbing in his room. He had learned in school about sex in his health class. But his father didn’t want to do it, it’s just because he’s drunk. Tamaki knows that deep down in his mind he knows the truth, he knows what had happened to him and is continuing to happen to him, but he’s too scared to admit it. He’s still too scared to right now. “You know you shou-“ He suddenly feels pain radiate from his left cheek as his face snaps to the opposite side from the older man's punch. The man pushes him to the ground and yanks Tamaki by his hair.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk back to me!” The older man shouts at his face as he rip Tamaki's pants and boxers off, leaving him naked before the other man. Tamaki tries to struggle against the grip but his father punches him again in the stomach. The younger male cough violently from the punch and stops struggling. The older man let go of Tamaki's hair as he took off his clothes as well. Still disoriented, Tamaki tries to get up and move away, but he could only crawl back a few spaces before collapsing. At this point he knows what will happen and the more he struggle, the more it hurts. He stops then.

“Going to make you feel so good…” His father mumbles as he starts touching Tamaki again. It makes Tamaki sick. He wants to vomit. He feels filthy from the touch, but he let the man touch him anyway. It will hurt for only a while, Tamaki reminded himself. It will end soon. So he lay there as quiet and still as possible, letting the other man do what he wants until he’s satisfied, and try to be anywhere but there in the bathroom.

* * *

 

Tamaki stares at the king pudding plushy on his hands. The water from his hair dripped onto the doll, but he didn’t intend to move. He didn’t know how many hours had passed since the incident with his father. After his father leave him be in the bathroom, Tamaki took a quick shower, trying his best to get the blood and cum out of his body. He put his shirt back on after the shower. Luckily his boxers are not damaged from his father’s rough treatment but his pants have a big tear so he could not wear it anymore. He’ll try to think of something tomorrow. He is only wearing his t-shirt and boxer now. He had cleaned his cuts again after the bath and wrapped new bandages on his legs. He could still feel the dull pain throbbing from the cuts but he welcomes the pain. It hurts less than his entire body, especially his lower half, right now so he decided to focus on the cuts instead. Tamaki snaps back from his thoughts when he hears the front door open and close. Not as loudly or carelessly as the first time, no. It’s more reserved, but no hesitation is in it. If he could hear the door opening even from his room it must have been quite loud. It can’t be his dad going out though, the door won’t even be closed if his dad is going out. The man would still be drunk and he wouldn’t even think of closing the door. Who is it then? Tamaki's mind race to find the answer but then he sees his phone at the edge of his bed, where he left it. He quickly opens it to check for the new messages. His heart drops. He can’t breathe, he feels like someone is constantly strangling him as he stares at the latest message.

_Yama-san (11:50 P.M.):_

_Hey, I’m in front your house right now._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished the second chapter! I thought it would be much shorter but it ended up way longer than I expected it to be. As always there is no beta on this chapter. This chapter is all in Yamato's POV since last chapter its in Tamaki's POV. This really can be seen as a bromance between Yamato and Tamaki and if you squint you might see some YamaTama. Please note that Tamaki's past is not in canon and is only my head canon.

Yamato knows that he’s not a good person. Well, it’s not like he’s evil or anything. He doesn’t go around and shoot people just for fun, but that’s a pretty low bar to set. He does not hate people, no, people are actually pretty nice to interact to. There are benefits into knowing them too. A lot of people has said that he’s nice and friendly. Some says that he’s reliable and responsible. A few people says that he is suspicious and manipulative. He agrees with those few people. He has been and still is manipulating people so that they can believe in what he says. He has been lying his whole life. He is not a reliable person, he never predict that he’ll be a leader for anything much less for an idol group. But here he is standing in the room with the other 6 members as they discuss about their problems.

* * *

 

2 hours ago Tamaki had met his younger sister, but at the same time discovered that Kujou-san has been and still is taking care of her. Now Yamato is silently looking at Tamaki reactions as the others discuss what had happened. He didn’t intend to chime in since it would be dangerous to give them more information that they already know right now. He watch in silence as Riku and all the other members try to cheer Tamaki up, Yamato noticed Sougo squeezing the younger boy’s shoulders several times, probably an act to comfort the other. Yamato notices that Tamaki has been looking at his direction many times through the whole ordeal, but he decides that he won’t say anything. If he makes a wrong move things will not end well for any of them, so he remains silent. He did not expect for Tamaki to retort back to Riku and from what he sees, he don’t think Tamaki expected to do that either. After the outburst the younger boy look at all of the members for a bit before picking up his bag and walk out the front door, leaving the others with just a soft “I’ll be going.” There is a long pregnant silence before anyone speaks up.

“Well, there he goes…” Iori sighs out as he sit down on the chair at the table. The young man looks tired. 17 years olds shouldn’t handle this much pressure, Yamato thought idly. Everyone sighs out in the same manner but didn’t have anything else to add. Most of them look like they’re still shocked from what had happened. Tamaki might have a short temper, but if they did not provoke him he would not fight back.

“Wait, where is Tamaki-kun going?” Sougo asks worriedly. “I had never seen him go somewhere else overnight except for school excursions with Iori.”

“Maybe he have another house somewhere? You know living with his parents and stuffs?” Riku suggests the idea.

“No… That can’t be. Yotsuba-san is from a child care facility before he got scouted. He shouldn’t have any family.” Iori points out, his eyebrows burrow down as he think of other options.

“Maybe he went out to buy pudding? I think he will be back after he feels a bit calmer.” Mitsuki says as he starts to stand up, ready to go back to his room.

“But I saw Tamaki-kun’s clothes in the bag too. Why would he need that if he intends to come back here for tonight?” Sougo argues back, not letting the conversation go.

“Well, maybe if Tama didn’t come back by 11 or 12 we can go out and find him?” Yamato speaks up for the first time since everyone entered the room. Everyone turns toward him as if they’re surprised that he is still there at all, but in the end agrees with his suggestion. They walk out of the room to go back to their respective rooms for the night, though Sougo reluctantly look at the front door several times.

“He’ll be fine Sougo.” Yamato reassures the younger man with a smile. As the white haired man walk out of the living room Yamato let out a small sigh. He has some ideas where Tamaki would be. He also notice that the younger boy packed his clothes in the bags so it is likely that he would be sleeping somewhere else tonight. Most people know that Tamaki is from a child care facility, including the manager as well. So they assumed that Tamaki wouldn’t have any relatives. No one can be blamed for the over sight since the child care facility just listed that they gain custody of him because he is an orphan. Even Yamato accepted the fact for a long time. It’s not until when the group lives in the dormitory for the first few months that he discovered the truth.

* * *

 

Y _amato was going to go back to his room after grabbing a drink from the kitchen. It was pretty late at night already so he didn’t think anyone would be awake at this hour. Before he could reach the hallway however, he saw another figure walk out of the hallway silently. They looked like they are in a hurry, trying not to get caught. They didn’t seem to notice him since he turned off the lights already._

_"Hey.” He called out making the figure came to a halt instantly. Yamato reached for the light to turn it back on and he realized that the figure is Tamaki. “What are you doing out so late?” He asked the younger boy sternly._

_“W-What about you?” Tamaki argued back at the older man as if he was trying to find an excuse for him to be out here._

_“I want some water.” Yamato showed the glass of water in his hand to Tamaki._

_“I-I want to drink some water too…” The younger boy stammered and look away from the other man. Damn, this boy is bad at lying. Yamato look at the bag in Tamaki’s hands._

_“If you want some water why would you need a bag for it?” The older man pointed at the bag which make Tamaki’s face changed to shock._

_“I wanted to go and get my things…” The younger boy confessed. Yamato raised his eyebrows at the answer._

_“Things? Where?”_

_“A-At the childcare facility…” Tamaki looks away from the older man again. This boy is really not made for lying._

_“Why not go tomorrow? It’s really late today, they’re probably locked up already.”_

_“_ _Tomorrow I have school.”_

_“Well, you can go after school with Ichi if you want, we don’t have any practice after school tomorrow.”_

_“….” Tamaki remained silent as if he’s thinking of what to say next. Yamato thought that the younger boy would give up and go back to his room, instead Tamaki look up at the man and spoke again, his face showing a renewed determination._

_“No, it’s really urgent. I have to go today.”_

_“Now?” And as he expected Tamaki nodded his head. “I will go with you then. It’s a lot more dangerous to go out alone at night.” He could see the younger boy paused for a few seconds before reluctantly nodding his head. Yamato drank the water from the glass, set it down on the sink, and walk to the front door with the younger boy. Luckily, he didn’t change into his sleep wear yet so he still have his t shirt and pants on. After they wore their shoes, the two walk out into the night._

_Tamaki hold his bag tightly as he look down the road. After a while of silence Yamato decided to speak up._

_“Why does it have to be so urgent anyway?” The older man asked but didn’t receive any reply. When he looked at the other boy, he could see the younger boy’s brow furrow as if he’s trying to find an answer to his question. “Its fine, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He said and Tamaki nodded in response. As they walk on Yamato started to notice that they are not going in the right direction. “Hey, this is not the way to the child care facility.” The older man said, but Tamaki didn’t show any sign of slowing down. ”Hey!” Yamato reached out and hold the young boy’s shoulder, attempting to stop him. Tamaki tensed under the touch but quickly adjusted to it._

_“We’re going the right way.” Tamaki mumbled out softly._

_“But this is not the way to the child care facility. Where are you going?” Yamato pulled his hand back from Tamaki's shoulder as he waited for the answer._

_“You will see…” Tamaki said as he continued to walk again. The older man eyed the other boy suspiciously but didn’t say anything. He had walked this far so he might as well see it through. After some more walking, Yamato noting down every turn they made in his mind for a mental map, Tamaki finally stopped. They stopped in front of the house inside some kind of a small neighborhood. The gates were opened so Tamaki walked through it to the front door._

_“Wait, what are you doing? Whose house is this? You’re not going to rob them are you?” Yamato quickly followed behind the younger boy firing several questions at the same time. Tamaki stopped at the front door and bend down to pick the potted plant off the ground._

_“This is my dad’s house.” The young boy explained briefly as he took the hidden key from under the plant and used it to unlock the door. He turned back to the older man. “Don’t come in. I will just go get my stuffs, it’s not going to take longer than a minute or two. Just please don’t come in.” Yamato could hear desperation in the boy’s voice._

_“Okay, okay. I will just wait out here.” The older man said as he pulled both his hands up to signal that he surrender. When Tamaki walked into the house Yamato’s mind started to race. No one had ever heard about this before. He then realized that the child care facility never tell them what happened to Tamaki’s father before, only that his mother died. If Tamaki’s father is still alive why can’t Tamaki live with the man? Sure being a single dad is hard, but Yamato have seen single moms and dads all the time. The child care facility must have had some reason that they have to take Tamaki away from his father. Before Yamato can continue that line of thought Tamaki came out of the house. The younger boy quickly locked the door and put the keys back into their original place. “Did you get your stuff?” He asked the younger boy which he got a nod as a response. Tamaki pulled a small, dirty King Pudding key chain out from his bag and showed it to Yamato as he smiled brightly. “So this is the thing that you can’t wait until tomorrow for?” Yamato tried his best to hide the sigh that is threatening to come out._

_“Yeah. I have been busy the past few months so I didn’t have the time to come here at all. This is the keychain my mother gave me since I’m born so I want to get it as soon as possible.” Tamaki said as a smile radiated off from his face. Yamato haven’t seen such a genuine and happy smile from the young boy before. Maybe this is worth it after all. Tamaki then looked like he realized something. He quickly looked up at the man with a panicked look on his face. “I don’t want the other to know about this, you know, about my father. That’s why I can’t go with Iorin after school. Please don’t tell anyone about this.” Yamato would have thought this through more carefully but the puppy face Tamaki made as he look at the man made Yamato answer right away._

_“Okay. I won’t tell anyone.” He said as he looked away from the younger boy’s face, not knowing how long he would live if he kept on looking at Tamaki’s face. Anxiety and panic melted away from Tamaki’s face when he heard the older man’s response._

_“Promise?” Tamaki asked, pulling one of his hands up and extended out his pinky finger. A pinky swear? Yamato did the same and intertwined his pinky finger with Tamaki’s._

_“Promise.” The younger boy smiled brightly and started to walk out of the house to go back to the dormitory. Yamato followed along and noticed that through the whole walk Tamaki kept his bright smile and hummed a tune happily. When they reached their respective rooms in the dormitory Tamaki look back at Yamato one last time and put his finger on his mouth as if to signify the little secret they have today. The young boy smiled and giggled a little before he went into his room. Yamato stood in front of his room for a while recollecting what had happened. He let out a small smile. Yes, it is worth it._

* * *

 

Yamato had been looking at his phone for any calls or messages from Tamaki but to no avail. He tries calling the younger boy earlier but the call never got picked up. He sighs out as he look at the time. 11:15 PM. He should get going if he want to get Tamaki back by tonight. Yamato stands up from the chair in the living room, picks up the bag he had set on the table, and walk toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” A voice comes from behind Yamato, he knows immediately who it is.

“Finding Tamaki.” Yamato answers nonchalantly as he turns back to meet with Sougo. He of course didn’t specify where, he still want to keep his promise with Tamaki.

“I will go too! I’m worried about Tamaki-kun as well!” Several thoughts flow through Yamato’s mind as he think of a way to get Sougo off his tail. As soon as Yamato starts to say something the other members walk into the living room from the hallway.

“It’s getting really late, Tamaki is not back yet?” Nagi asks, concern now evident in his face. Tamaki never leave this long, even after a fight.

“We should go find him.” Riku starts to get ready to go out. Great, now more people are going to come with him. Yamato tries to think of something, this is getting really hard.

“How about we split? It will be easier that way right?” Everyone seems to agree with his idea as they try to figure who will go with who. Okay, he can get out of this. “Well, I will be going then, you guys can go in groups or something.” Yamato says as he walks toward the door so he can finally go and find Tamaki.

“Wait, Yamato-san. I will go with you.” The older man looks back at Sougo, ready to refuse the offer but as soon as sees the smile on Sougo's face he decides to shut up. His instinct told him not to provoke that smile.

“Y-Yeah sure…” Yamato stammers a little trying to shake the chills he get from the smile as the two walk out of the dormitory.

Yamato is pretty sure that at this point Sougo would know that the directions he is taking is not where they would normally go. He can sense the stare that bores holes through his back at this point.

“Where are we going Yamato-san?” the white haired man finally asks which makes Yamato sighs out in relief internally. He can deal with a straight question rather than an awkward silence. His mind rushes to find some kind of answer to the question. He don’t want to invade Tamaki's privacy, after all it’s for the boy to keep. If Tamaki doesn’t want to tell the others then he is in no place to tell them himself. Yamato don’t understand why he would go above and beyond for just a single promise, but whenever he think about that smile Tamaki makes he feel that this certain promise is extremely precious. Too precious for him to break. Not like that time again. A certain memory flashes through his mind but Yamato clears it off as soon as it comes in. Now is not the time to think about the past.

“Well, why don’t we ask Tamaki when we meet him?” Yamato knows that Sougo is frowning even without looking back. He knows that the answer he gives the other man is really vague, but he is left with no choice. Sougo is kind enough to not ask anymore questions which Yamato is very grateful of. The older man quickly message Tamaki several times notifying that he’s going to the boy's house. Of course he didn’t get any reply from the boy at all. When they reach the house Yamato write the last message to Tamaki hoping for the boy to answer and come out of the house before they are forced to go in. Yamato remembers how insistent Tamaki is about anyone entering the house so he doesn’t want to enter the boy's house if not needed. After 5 minutes of no response from Tamaki, Sougo starts to get more skittish.

“Yamato-san let’s just go in the house. If Tamaki is not there then we can try finding him somewhere else.” The white haired man sounds very concerned and at this point Yamato is too.

“Okay I’ll go in first, you stay out here.” He can see Sougo opens his mouth to argue back right away. Yamato quickly pulls his hand up to cut the man off and continues his sentence. “You wouldn’t like for people to go in your house uninvited as well right? Especially when more than one person going in. I’m sure Tamaki doesn’t want that too. Look, I’ll go in and you wait out here. If it takes too long call me or something, just don’t go inside until I give you an okay.” Sougo face flashes up with concern and anxiety. Yamato feels bad for the other man, he knows that Sougo cares a lot about Tamaki. With this much unease in the man it won’t be good for Sougo's health, but Yamato can’t just let anyone go into the house either. The desperation in Tamaki's voice when he tell Yamato to not enter the house and the anxious look on the younger boy's face shows how bad it would be if someone goes in the house, even if it’s Yamato, as much as he hates to admit it.

“But…”

“Sougo, trust me. Please. Just trust me this time okay?” Yamato looks at the other man with a serious face. He could see Sougo falters before the other man sighs out loudly.

“Okay fine. But if you didn’t come out in 30 minutes and didn’t pick up my calls I’ll go in the house right away okay?” the white haired man warns Yamato with an exasperated voice. Yamato smiles at the other man and walks over to the front door. The door is unsurprisingly unlocked so he enters into the house without hesitation.

Smell of alcohol hits Yamato's nose as soon as he opens the front door. The inside of the house looks normal enough. Pale white walls and wooden floor. It looks like the floor has been recently cleaned. Yamato walks through the corridor and to his left he can see a living room. He can see a man sleeping on the couch as the TV in front of him plays a game show of some sort. He notices a few empty beer bottles around the chair, one dangling from the man's hand. In closer inspection the man looks like he’s in his late thirties to mid forties. Beard covers the man's face, his dirt brown hair messy and unkempt. Is this man Tamaki's father? If so, Tamaki must have gotten a lot of genes from his mother. The amount of beer bottles around the man's chair is not reassuring either. Yamato decides to ignore the sleeping man for now and continues to walk through the corridor. He then walks into a hallway with several doors. The man tries opening each door in order, he is about ready to give up when he opens the last door.

The room is dark and at first Yamato didn’t think anyone is inside the room. But as the light from hallway shines in he could see the familiar blue hair from inside the room. Yamato quickly finds the light switch on the room walls and turn it on. The bright flash of light blinds him for a few seconds. As his eyes adjust to the brightness in the room he is greeted with a sight of Tamaki curls up on his bed, surprise and horror evident on the young boy's face.

“Tama?” Yamato calls out cautiously as he steps closer to the bed in the room, shutting the room's door in the process. Tamaki whimpers out and curls further back into his bed, God the boy looks like he is going to die any second. Yamato reach the foot of the bed and slowly sits down while keeping a distance between them, trying not to startle the younger boy. “Tamaki?” The older man calls out again but only get a small whimper as a response. Now that he is closer, Yamato can see the rapid rise and fall of Tamaki’s chest. The boy’s breathing is erratic and his whole body is trembling. He is hyperventilating. Yamato then realizes what is happening, Tamaki is having a panic attack. “Tamaki, can you hear me?” The older man repeats the sentence over and over again, as clearly and slowly as he can. After his third repetition Tamaki responds to him with a small, shaky nod. “How are you feeling?” Yamato starts to move a little closer to the younger boy, but still keeping a space in between them.

“C-Can’t… br-breathe…” Tamaki chokes out, his eyes brimming with tears. Yamato pulls his hand up in front of Tamaki and smiles softly at the younger boy.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?” Tamaki nods at his request. “Can you squeeze me hand?” Tamaki look at the older man for a few seconds before slowly reaching out and squeeze Yamato’s hand tightly. “You’re doing great. Now as you squeeze I will count 1 to 5, breathe out at the count of 5 okay?” He says softly and starts counting. The first few tries Tamaki splutters at the second or third count and the younger boy looks like he’s going to cry. “Its fine Tamaki, you’re doing great. Everything is fine, it’s just me. Come on let’s do it again.” Yamato murmurs out words of reassurance as they do the exercise over and over again. As they continues their small rhythm Tamaki’s breathing starts to slowly become normal again. Yamato can see Tamaki’s body slowly begins to relax. They stay like that for a while listening to each other breathing.

Yamato take the chance and inspects Tamaki’s body. He could see bruises on Tamaki’s arms and legs. They starts to swell and the color changes to a purple hue. Looking at the younger boy’s face closely he can see a prominent bruise on Tamaki’s left cheek as it starts to become purple like the other bruises. Yamato looks down and sees that the younger man only had boxer on. He could feel his face heats up as his mind starts to wander into more indecent thoughts. The man quickly shake the thoughts away and focus on the bandages that are wrapped around the younger man’s thighs instead. As Yamato think of what the bandages are for, Tamaki let go of his hand. The older man quickly look up to see the younger boy looking at him warily.

“Tamaki, what happened?” Yamato questions the younger boy quietly, trying to make the topic broad. He doesn’t know if he should ask that to Tamaki right now, but he _needs_ to know. He wants to help the boy and if he don’t have information then he won’t be able to do anything. Yamato looks at Tamaki, concern overcoming him. He could see the boy’s expressions change from one to another in seconds. Wariness, confusion, and fear all appear on Tamaki’s face in those few seconds. The younger boy looks down as if to signify that he didn’t want to discuss the matter even further. Yamato frowns a little, he didn’t want to resort to forcing the younger boy to speak, but he can’t leave things like this either. The older man wracks his brain as he tries to find some way to get the younger boy to speak. “When I come in I saw your father.” Tamaki snaps his head up as soon as Yamato mentions his father. The older man continues on trying not to falter from the look on Tamaki’s face. “He is sleeping, I can smell alcohol everywhere. I can also see several empty beer bottles on the floor beside him. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what most likely had happened Tamaki.” Yamato can feel Tamaki shaking, at first he thinks that the younger boy is going to have another attack.

“H-He...” The older man stays quiet as he waits for Tamaki to continue his sentence. “My father says that he wants to makes me feel good.” The boy’s voice come out as a soft whisper that Yamato nearly can’t hear. Feel good? Yamato is not stupid he understands what that means. Just hearing it makes him want to punch that old guy outside. He doesn’t need to be angry right now though, he look at the younger man. Shame and embarrassment can be seen on the Tamaki’s face.

“Did it hurt?” Tamaki looks up at the man, Yamato can see the boy's tears threatening to fall. His heart ache seeing Tamaki like this but he can’t let it go now at this point. After a moment the younger boy nods his head quietly. “How long?” This time Tamaki didn’t look up, Yamato notice small droplets drip down from Tamaki's face.

“I don’t know… S-Since I’m 6…?” Oh god. Yamato can’t imagine the pain Tamaki had gone through at this point. How can the boy hold on for that long?

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“Because dad is not bad. T-They will take me away from my dad again like what the child care facility did. I-It’s just because he’s drunk, I should be the one at blame.” Tamaki babbles out as he furiously wipe the tears away from his face. “I keep on coming back to him… I-I don’t like the child care facility, I like my old room more. T-They won’t let me go see my dad so I just escape and run back home. I don’t know why. It hurts, it always hurt when he do it, but… but…” Tamaki let out a small sob. Yamato didn’t push the subject further and extends his arm out in order to comfort the young boy. As soon as his hand touches Tamaki’s shoulder, the boy reels back in fear, his watery eyes snaps up and look at the older man alarmingly. Yamato feels hurt seeing the boy’s reaction to his touch, he knows it’s not Tamaki’s intention to act like that, but it still makes him feel as if he got rejected in some way.

“Ah, sorry…” Yamato apologizes and pulls his hand back from the boy’s shaking form. Tamaki shakes his head slowly and averts his eyes to the bed.

“N-No it’s not your fault. You didn’t know…”

“So, you don’t like to be touched?” The older man asks and Tamaki nods without saying anything, looking down at the sheets the whole time. Yamato had seen Tamaki being touched both by his friends and by fans countless times. Did the boy just endure it this whole time? “Why don’t you tell anyone? At least tell the manager if you don’t feel like telling us.”

“I-I can’t. Idols need a lot of fan interactions, if I can’t even touch anyone I will look stupid.” The younger boy mumbles out as if that’s something to be embarrassed about. “It’s not that bad. Hugging or something like that is fine. It’s just… when someone just touch me unexpectedly it reminds me of…” Tamaki stops the sentence there, not wishing to continue and wipes his tears, quiet whimpers can be heard from the young boy. Yamato doesn’t know what to do except looking at Tamaki woefully. He didn’t expected for the situation to be this bad. If only he followed Tamaki. If only he helps the boy out when the team is arguing. If only he had done something instead of just standing there and do nothing. God, what is he thinking, why is he so stupid? He should have been with Tamaki, be there for him. He knows about Tamaki’s father why didn’t he tell anyone or at least look into it? Regret and guilt clouds Yamato’s mind, he had gone and done it again. He did it again, another mistake. A mistake that he can’t fix anymore. Fuck. No, he can’t change anything that had happened already. He have to move on and fix what he can. Yamato looks down and notice that there is blood stains on the bandages that are wrapped around Tamaki’s thighs.

“You’re bleeding.” Yamato says and reaches out to unwrap it. Tamaki jerks back as soon as Yamato’s hand near the bandages. The older man looks up at the boy. “Tamaki, let me look at it.” The younger boy stares at him tears still flowing down his face. He soon give up and stay still as Yamato unwrap the bandages. The man’s eyes widen in surprise as he sees numerous bleeding lines across the boy’s thighs. Yamato notices some white lines underneath the bleeding ones. Scars. The boy had done this many times. Why? Why would Tamaki do this to himself? He seems so happy, so carefree…

“It helps…” As if reading his mind Tamaki answers before the man ask the obvious question. Yamato looks up at Tamaki, sadness fills his heart as he see the lost look on the boy’s face. “It helps me forget, I don’t have to think about anything…” Yamato just want to hug the boy right there, but he knows that it will just make things worse.

“Where is the first aid kit?” He asks Tamaki gently.

“The bathroom, inside the cabinet. It’s across my room…” The older man stands up slowly as he didn’t want to scare the boy any further.

“Wait here okay? I will be back soon.” Yamato says and quickly walk out to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. As soon as he turns on the light to the bathroom. He can see the cabinet’s mirror shattered and covered in rusted blood. Yamato looks down to floor and his heart drop. Blood stains and some other liquid can be seen on the tiles. It looks like someone tries to clean the mess, but missed some spots. In closer inspection Yamato realize what that other liquid is. Oh god. They did it here, right here. He starts to feel sick just by looking at it. Yamato’s hand instinctively covers his mouth as he can feel bile starts to rise in his throat. Before his mind can delve into darker thoughts the phone in his pants pocket vibrates, throwing Yamato out of his thoughts. The man quickly take his phone out and see that it’s Sougo.

“Yamato-san!” Sougo’s voice pierce through the phone into Yamato’s ears, making the man wince slightly.

“Don’t shout Sougo. You are going to give onii-san a heart attack.”

“It’s over half an hour already, is Tamaki-kun in there? I will be going inside.” Yamato can hear shuffling as if Sougo is walking towards the door.

“Wait, wait!! Don’t come in Sougo.” Yamato says in panic. He can’t let the other man come in right now. Not when Tamaki is like that. Yamato can remember when Tamaki saw him, he don’t want that to happen again.

“Why not? Tamaki is in there isn’t he? I want to see him too!” Sougo replies back impatience evident in his voice.

“Sougo please. Really, just trust me. You really can’t come in okay, not right now.”

“Why?” Yamato groans internally at the question. Of course he can’t tell Sougo. With what he just discovered he can’t just go around and announce it to everyone, especially with Tamaki being like that. If the boy knows that Yamato told everyone about him, Tamaki would probably never come and face them again.

“Tamaki don’t want a lot of people in the house. We can go explain the situation outside okay?” Yamato knows that at this point he is just bluffing out of his ass but it’s not like anyone give him time for this. A tense silence spread between the two, Yamato praying to the Gods for Sougo to listen to him.

“How many minutes?”

“20” The older man can hear an annoyed sigh from the other.

“Fine.” Sougo replies and hangs up. Yamato sighs out in relief and open the cabinet door to get the first aid kit. The man’s eyes widen as he sees the alarming amount of medicine bottles in the cabinet. On the lowest shelf he can see the razor. It seems clean, like someone had just washed it. The man picks up the razor, wraps a small towel around it, and put it into his pants pocket. It shouldn’t be here. It should never be here. The man decides to throw the razor out later when the situation has calmed down a little. Yamato quickly grabs the first aid kit and walk back to Tamaki’s room.

Walking into the younger boy’s room he could see Tamaki sitting in the same position staring at nothing. The boy looks up at him as soon as he enters the room, letting out a small whimper in the process. God, the boy looks like a trapped animal.

“Hey, let me see your wounds. I will clean it.” Yamato tell the younger boy gently as he sat down on the bed and smiles at the boy. Tamaki moves his arms away from his legs and look away from Yamato as the man starts to clean the cuts with alcohol. Tamaki didn’t make any sound as the man cleans his wounds. How long had Tamaki done this to be so used to it? Several thoughts flow through Yamato’s mind as he continues to clean and wrap bandages around the boy’s thighs. “Okay, done.” Yamato gently pats the bandages as he look up at the younger boy. Tamaki still stares at the floor not intending to look up at the man. “Tamaki.” The older man can feel Tamaki’s body twitch as he call the boy’s name. “Tamaki, look at me.” The boy reluctantly look up at him, Yamato can see tears rolling down Tamaki’s face. “Its fine Tamaki, no one is going to see you differently because of this.” Yamato says as he try to reassure the boy.

“No. Everyone will hate me. T-They will think I’m dirty.” As if Yamato’s words triggers something inside him, Tamaki starts rambling out everything in his mind. “I’m fucked up. I like it Yama-san. My body feel weird when my father do it to me. It hurts a lot. It hurts so much, but my body still react to it. I-I’m not normal. Normal people shouldn’t act like this.” Tamaki looks up at the older man tears pouring down his face with no sign of stopping. “I learned about sex in school. I-I shouldn’t feel good, its rape. B-But he’s my dad, fathers won’t do that to their sons right? My dad is not bad right? I-It’s my fault. Everything is my fault. I shouldn’t even exist in the first place.” Tamaki’s voice starts to get louder and louder as he rambles on. “I can’t even save Aya. I-I can’t do anything at all and now I’m making everyone worry about me again. I-If only I’m de-“

“Tamaki.” Yamato’s voice comes out at a near shout to gain the boy’s attention. Tamaki stops his rambling and goes quiet instantly. He can see the boy’s body trembles as soft mutters can be heard.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m s-sorry. Don’t h-hurt me please, p-please.” Yamato frowns at the boy’s reactions.

“No, I’m not going to hurt you. Come on Tamaki, look at me.” The older man says softly to Tamaki, the younger boy looks up tearfully at Yamato his body still shaking slightly. “Look Tamaki, a lot of stuffs had been happening ever since you’re really young, at least I know that much. I won’t say that I understand how you feel or what you have went through, but trust me with one thing. No one will think of you less. No one will hate you Tamaki. And even if they do I’m here. I don’t hate you.”

“Y-You are not disgusted?” the younger boy looks at Yamato through his tears.

“Of course not. I can never hate you Tamaki.” Yamato smiles and reaches his hands out to wipe away the tears from Tamaki’s cheeks. The boy tense slightly which makes the older man nearly pull his hand back, but Tamaki leans closer to the touch so Yamato let his hand stay there, slowly caressing Tamaki’s soft cheeks. The man moves closer and extends his arms out to hug the younger boy. “Can I?” Tamaki nods silently and Yamato wraps his arms around the boy, holding Tamaki in a tight embrace. The tension on Tamaki slowly fades away as the boy returns the hug, grabbing onto Yamato’s body tightly. The older man hears soft sobs turn into anguish cries. Tamaki’s whole body shakes as he weeps into Yamato’s chest. The older man holds the younger boy as an anchor, moving his hands into soothing circles on Tamaki’s back. Yamato had never heard Tamaki cries like this before, it’s as if everything inside Tamaki that the boy had been trying to hold in is spilling out. The anguish and despair in the boy’s voice makes Yamato heart clench, Tamaki shouldn’t have endure this much pain, and even worse to keep it all to himself. The boy is known to be very emotional, understanding what people are feeling without even having to ask. For such an emotionally driven person to keep all this pain inside them, not being able to express anything. God, he can’t imagine how hard it would be.

Tamaki finally pull back as his sobs fade into small snivels. The boy wipes the remaining tears away from his puffy eyes as he try to get his breathing back to normal. It seems that Tamaki starts to become more aware of his current outfit and quickly blush when he realizes that he is only wearing boxers in front of another man. Yamato fights away the heat that is rising on his face and thinks of something to say.

“Do you have anything to wear?” Tamaki pauses for a moment before giving the other man a small nod.

“My dad tore the pants that I brought for tonight. But I can still wear the one I wear before.”

“What about the clothes in this room?” Yamato points out as he look over at the closet. Tamaki looks down again like a kicked puppy, making Yamato feels bad for even asking.

“They’re all torn when I checked earlier. My dad probably tore them when he’s drunk…” The younger boy mumbles out softly. Yamato can feel the anger rises inside him as he fight the urge of wanting to punch that old man outside.

“Oh okay.” is the only thing the man can get out. It’s not like he can just magically restore everything in the room or anything, Yamato wish he could. He wish that he can go back to when Tamaki is younger and helps him, preventing everything from ever happening to the boy. But of course he can’t, no use in dwelling in something he can’t change. When Yamato gets his mind out of his internal thoughts Tamaki is already wearing his pants. The older man stands up from the bed and grabs his bag. He took the towel with razor out of his pockets when Tamaki is not noticing and put it in his bag. “Well, I guess it’s about time we should go. Sougo will be so mad…” Yamato says as he wince at the memory of Sougo’s smile. He can see the younger boy freezes as soon as he mention Sougo’s name.

“S-Sou-chan...?” Oh. Damn it, he should have tell the boy when he has the chance.

“No, its fine Tamaki. I didn’t tell Sougo anything. He is just waiting outside of the house. He didn’t know about any of this.” Tamaki seems to relax considerably from Yamato’s statement. The man knows that he should have Tamaki tell the others one day, but not right now. “Let’s go.” Yamato offers his hand to Tamaki and the boy holds onto it, squeezing it slightly. The pair walk out from the hallway into the living room. The old man is still on the couch, sleeping as if what he just did to Tamaki is not a big deal at all. Yamato wants to punch the man until the man’s face becomes unrecognizable. He don’t even want to see that man ever again. As if knowing what Yamato is feeling Tamaki squeezes the older man’s hand. Yamato turns around to Tamaki.

“Don’t…” The younger boy mumbles softly. “It will only get worse.” Yamato sighs softly and tightens his grip on Tamaki’s hand.

“Yeah, okay.” They continue their way to the front door. As soon as Tamaki opens the front door, Sougo rushes towards them and hugs Tamaki tightly.

“Tamaki-kun!” Sougo cries out in concern. Yamato can feel the grip on his hand tighten as he sees Tamaki’s body goes rigid, the boy quickly adjust to the touch though and hugs Sougo back. Sougo pulls away from Tamaki and as he look at Tamaki distress becomes evident on his face. “Where does this bruise come from?” The white haired man asks as he look at Tamaki’s bruised cheeks. The younger boy didn’t know what to say so Yamato quickly cover for him.

“This punk went and fight with someone again.” The older man says as he jabs Tamaki in a playful manner, chuckling a bit.

“W-Well that dumbass starts it first!” Tamaki argues back as he play along with Yamato’s little ruse.

“Tamaki-kun you shouldn’t go around and fight people you know.” Sougo chides a little bit but his expression seems much more relaxed than before.

“I know…” Tamaki pouts a little as he got scolded by Sougo.

“Whose house is this anyway?” Sougo asks Tamaki, this time the boy seems to have an answer ready for the white haired man.

“Oh, it’s my friend’s house.” Tamaki lies as if it’s the truth. The boy’s acting skills has increase from the last time.

“Eh? Tamaki-kun have friends too?” Sougo teases the younger boy. Yamato knows that Sougo notice that something is wrong. He probably notice some bruises and how puffy the boy’s eyes are from crying. Yamato is grateful that the white haired main didn’t ask anything further, probably out of the worry for Tamaki.

“Oi, I have more friends than you, you know Sou-chan.” The pair exchange friendly banter as they walk back to the dormitory. When they meet up with the other members everyone starts exchanging apologies and hugs each other. Yamato watches on as the 6 members talk to each other cheerfully, noticing that Tamaki’s expression is more solemn than others. These boys shouldn’t get what is coming to them. Tamaki shouldn’t even experience anything that happens today at all. Yamato realizes that everything that he did up until now might be wrong. Maybe hiding information from them is not the best idea, but Yamato don’t have any other choice. He knows that if they know the truth they would probably have a huge fight, or even disband. He don’t want that, Yamato realizes. He had grown to love this group and members more and more each day, he can’t bear to see them pull apart. He can’t bear to see Tamaki in such a bad spot like today again. Yamato decides that he will protect this group. Even if it means his livelihood he will still do it.

He will protect them.

No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I kind of make it quite a dark story, I really love to torture my favorite character hahaha.... :') If you think I need to improve anywhere feel free to leave a comment!


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